First Impressions: Balenciaga Soccer Sneakers

An abomination of the highest level.

I never understood fashion. What may be deemed really awful one day can quickly turn into something really cool. I’ve seen it with high waisted “mom jeans” to the perplexing phenomenon that are “dad shoes”. Perhaps fashion just has a strange relationship with parents.

Football has been making some in-roads to be more fashionable with training kits and match jerseys that wouldn’t look out of place being worn to the mall. However, it seems that the opposite is also true. Fashion is now trying to adopt more elements from football.

I was shocked when our good friend, Ash from Futbolita, shared the news of a range of “soccer sneakers” by Balenciaga. At first glance, they seem like regular leather football boots sans heavy branding. I wondered how’d they perform in a 90 minute game. We are, after all, more than just collectors of football boots. We love the performance aspect of them more.

Imagine my horror when I saw the price tag – a whopping £595 (SG$1,030). And these are meant to be worn on the streets! Or as Balenciaga calls it, “everyday wear”. What are those designers smoking? A quick look at the build of the Balenciaga soccer sneakers and I also soon realized that they’re not even using real leather. Balenciaga also claims to provide “intricate stitching” on the upper with a classic foldover tongue.

The soleplate on the Balenciaga soccer sneakers is apparently built from polyurethane and rounded to reduce stud pressure. We enquired if these were AG-friendly but Balenciaga refused to comment. Something tells me they’re not….

But there’s more… Introducing Balenciaga Soccer apparel

A quick search showed me an even bigger abomination – soccer-inspired apparel. They look plain as hell but there’s nothing quite plain about the price tags. SG$1,600 for a top, SG$1,200 for shorts and to round it all up, just a mere SG$150 for socks. Each piece looks like they cost $5 to produce, tops.

I’m not the target market but who is this for, really? The collection has as much personality as a big box of hair. Of course, if you’ve got the dough, who am I to stop you from spending money to look like a child attending his first soccer academy class under the watchful gaze of an over-supportive parent?

My piece of advice if you’re really considering any of these items? Visit Decathlon and you’ll be able to pick out a pair of boots, a top, shorts and socks for around SG$100 in total. And they’ll look almost alike.

What did you say? You’d be embarrassed buying from the bargain basement that is Decathlon? Well, I can assure you that dressing up in any of the Balenciaga soccer collection to out on the streets would be infinitely more embarrassing. And if that’s not enough to make you blush, slipping and falling down in studded shoes might just do the trick.